나초 비지니스
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In the Foundation, you can't afford to pull punches. If you make an assumption, expect it to fly back in your face before you can say "Skipper". Hell, do you know how many tests they have to run in this place? It's a laundry list bigger than my forearm. I don't know which poor tuna head they got to do the tests, but I'm glad it ain't me.
재단에선 넌 손대중을 할 여유가 없어. 만약 뭔가 추정하면, 네가 "스키퍼"라고 하기도 전에 네 얼굴로 날아들어온다니까. 망할, 여기서 얼마나 많은 실험이 치뤄지는 줄 알아? 내 팔뚝보다 길다니까. 어떤 불쌍한 생선대가리가 실험하게 될지는 모르겠지만, 내가 아니라 다행이지.

- Overheard from within the Site-87 administrative washroom.
- 제87기지 행정직 세면실에서 엿들음.


Researcher Brian Cohen stood above the slightly luminescent nacho bowl classified as E-00043. Currently, it was being bombarded with amusingly high levels of secret radiation, to see what would happen. This was always the worst part of the job. Every time a new shiny diet cola or infinite curdle dispenser came along, he had to test it for every type of unforeseen anomaly under the sun.
브라이언 코헨 연구원은 E-00043로 분류된 약간 발광하는 나초 그릇 위쪽에 서있었다. 지금, 그 그릇은 웃길정도로 고준위의 비밀 방사선 폭격을 받고 있었다. 무슨 일이 생길지 보기 위해서다. 이 일은 이 직업 중 최악인 부분이다. 새 빛나는 다이어트 콜라나 무한 응결 디스펜서가 올 때마다 그는 태양 아래에서 모든 형태의 예측치 못한 변칙성을 실험해야 했다.

There were tests to see if it reacted to water, a test for gravitational force, tests to determine whether or not it could cause a massive heart failure to someone sitting on it… basically, if a Level 4 could imagine it, he'd have to test it. Brian checked his watch, and sighed. Only about 104 tests left to go…
물에 반응하는지 알아보는 실험, 중력에 대한 실험, 위에 앉아있는 사람에게 심각한 심부전증을 유발할 수 있는지 확인하기 위한 실험이 있었다… 기본적으로, 4등급이 상상할 수 있는 내용이면 그는 실험해야 한다. 브라이언을 시계를 보곤 한숨을 쉬었다. 대충 실험이 104개정도 남았네…

TEST NUMBER: 196
OBJECT: E-00043 "Shiny Bowl"
CURRENT TEST: "Testing for "Rage State"
TEST PROCEDURE:
실험번호: 196
대상: E-00043 "빛나는 그릇"
현재 실험: "폭주 상태"에 대한 실험"
실험 절차:

Brian slouched in his chair, lazily pawing for a bag of pretzels as D-5611 entered the chamber. Fumbling for the mic, he pressed his cheese dust-encrusted fingers to the intercom button.
브라이언은 의자에 구부정하게 앉아 D-5611이 방 안에 들어가는 동안 느릿느릿하게 프레젤 봉지를 찾았다. 마이크를 더듬거리더니, 치즈 가루가 묻은 손으로 인터폰 버튼을 눌렀다.

"Please insert the nacho you were given into E-00043, and eat it."
"제공된 나초를 E-00043에 넣은 뒤, 먹으십시오."

The orange jumpsuit clad woman looked over to the sparkling snack receptacle, then back to the intercom.
주황색 점프수트를 입은 여자는 반짝이는 과자 용기를 흝어보더니, 인터콤에 반문했다.

"You being serious right now?"
"진심이에요?"

"Yes. Just, uh, drop it in for a couple seconds, and then eat it."
"네. 그냥, 어, 쏟아넣고 좀 기다리고, 그다음에 먹으세요."

She shrugged. "Whatever. You're the boss, I guess." There was a slight clink, followed by a crunch.
그녀는 어깨를 으쓱했다. "뭐. 명령은 당신이 하니까요." 달그락 소리가 나더니, 와그작 소리가 났다.

Brian watched her for a minute, going over the rage state checklist. Subject was not suddenly gaining additional muscle mass, or attempting to exit the test chamber. Subject had not threatened to "spill the blood of ten thousand wasps into your accursed soul." Brian leaned into the mic.
브라이언은 몇 분간 그녀를 보더니, 폭주 상태 체크리스트를 살펴봤다. 피험자는 갑자기 새 근육이 생기지도 않았고, 실험실에서 탈출할 기색도 없었다. 피험자는 "네 저주받은 영혼에 일만 말벌의 피가 흐르리라"라며 위협하지도 않았다. 브라이언은 마이크쪽으로 몸을 숙였다.

"Yo, D-Class. How you feel?"
"어이, D계급. 기분 어때요?"

Inside the test chamber, the orange-clad woman shrugged. "Same, I guess."
실험실 안에서, 주황옷을 입은 여성이 어깨를 으쓱했다. "똑같은 거 같은데요."

RESULT: E-00043 was determined not to cause a rage state in human subjects.
결과: E-00043는 인간 피험자에게 폭주 상태를 유발하지 않는 것으로 확인되었다.


TEST NUMBER: 205
OBJECT: E-00043 "Shiny Bowl"
CURRENT TEST: "Insanity Probability"
TEST PROCEDURE:
실험번호: 205
대상: E-00043 "빛나는 그릇"
현재 실험: "광기 확률"
실험 절차:

Brian glanced at the clock, half-hoping it would show some sort of serendipity with the schedule. Sadly, these hopes were misplaced. Three in the morning, Jesus fuckin' Christ. Looking around the cluttered, snack-wrapper laden observation chamber, he sighed, and slapped his palm onto the intercom button.
브라이언은 시계를 힐끗하며 일정이 혹시나 빨리 진행되지 않았을지 반쯤 기대했다. 안타깝지만, 기대를 품은 게 잘못이었다. 새벽 3시, 이 진짜 씨발. 과자 봉지가 가득한 어수선한 관찰실을 바라보며 그는 한숨을 내쉬고 인터컴 버튼을 내리쳤다.

"Send in… you remember which one we're on?"

"Two hundred twenty three, I think." crackled the speaker.

"Send, uh, that one in then."

A blond-haired fat man sauntered into the testing chamber, wearing a bright green jumpsuit. A small stain was ingrained to the collar, probably jam. Brian stubbed his finger to the intercom, and rattled off test instructions in the third worst German accent he'd ever done. This was the mind-affecting test, seeing whether or not the bowl was a thing what made you go cray-cray. Obediently, the D-Class put it on his head, and just as hypothesized, nothing happened.

RESULT: No anomalous properties detected.

Brian sighed. Only a couple dozen more to go…


Testing continued as it always did, at a snail's pace. There were tests of cumulative exposure, where they made someone wear it all day. Tests for seeing if it made your bladder weaker, or for making you into a different type of bowl, maybe some to test if it changed eating habits. The results were usually predictable as they come: The tester would do something silly with a bowl, and Brian would check the clock and whine to himself.

Later tests were always the weird ones. These had the object do something so specific and bizarre, you know it only started because some sweater in Kansas turned out to be double memetic. Brian was pretty sure that wasn't an actual thing that existed in reality, but it was still on the testing schedule. There was a laundry list of other oddities: Dog vigor, paper towel radiation, and whether or not it caused acne in sharks. Just in case. This one had the test subject just sit next to the bowl, trying to make polite conversation while being hooked up to more brain scanners than you could count.

But, finally, it was time for the last test.

Brian himself would be performing this one, as it was a test of his own creation. He'd been over the list dozens of times, looking for this one being listed, but never found it. It boggled the mind that nobody in the Foundation Smart Test List Initiative(FSTLI) had thought of it. But, it had been absent. In one hand, Brian picked up the bowl, and in the other he held a bag of chips.

TEST NUMBER: 301
OBJECT: E-00043 "Shiny Bowl"
CURRENT TEST: UNAUTHORIZED
TEST PROCEDURE:

Brian poured the chips into the bowl.

There was a silence.

A crunch.

Then nothing.

INCIDENT E-00043-A
On ██/██/████, Researcher Cohen attempted to initiate an unauthorized test with E-00043, with notes recovered from the test observation chamber citing his inability to "believe this shit" when the test was not included on the roster. Subsequently, E-00043 demonstrated a previously unknown anomalous effect, filling the entire test chamber with "Lays" brand potato chips, severely injuring Researcher Cohen. Investigation into the incident is ongoing, and E-00043 has been slated for additional testing.

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