Scp Tldr J
평가: 0+x

Item #: SCP-TLDR-J
일련번호: SCP-TLDR-J

Length Class: Too
길이 등급: 너무함(Too)

Special Containment Procedures: Dr. Vang has been tasked with drafting new containment procedures for SCP-TLDR-J, and is expected to complete the task within one week. The old ones were really long, so Dr. Vang's trademark brevity is expected to come in handy.
특수 격리 절차: 뱅 박사에게 SCP-TLDR-J의 새로운 격리 절차 초안을 작성하는 일을 맡겼고, 일주일 안에 완성할 것으로 예상된다. 예전 절차는 아주 길기에, 뱅 박사의 트레이드마크인 간결성이 쓸모가 있을 것이다.

TL;DR: SCP-TLDR-J is a metamorphic document with a variety of forms, each possessing unique, mostly pointless anomalous properties. Whenever SCP-TLDR-J is read by an individual who intends to read it in its entirety, it will metamorphosize into a form that the individual would disregard due to length.
TL;DR: SCP-TLDR-J는 다양한 형식을 가진 가변적 문서로, 각 형식은 고유하나 대부분 의미가 없는 변칙 특성을 가진다. SCP-TLDR-J 전체를 읽으려는 의도를 가지고 누군가 문서를 읽는다면, 대상은 독자가 그 길이 때문에 때려칠 형태로 변화한다.

Addendum: A list of every one of SCP-TLDR-J's forms. You can skip this bit, honestly.
부록: SCP-TLDR-J의 모든 형식을 담은 목록이다. 사실 이 부분은 건너 뛰어도 된다.

  • Form A is a copy of Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. Form A emits a scent described as "bitter almonds" and "sound of a D-Class falling to the floor and convulsing". No other anomalous properties are apparent.
  • 형식 A는 데이비드 포스터 월리스David Foster Wallace의 《끝없는 농담(Infinite Jest)》 사본이다. 형식 A는 "비터 아몬드" 향과 "D계급이 땅바닥에 떨어져서 경련을 일으키는 소리"를 방출한다. 다른 변칙 특성은 없다.
  • Form B is a copy of Foundation Document C17-G4N. When SCP-TLDR-J transmorphs (?) into Form B, some indestructible shadow monster thing appears somewhere and we have to contain it with MTF Nine-Tailed Fox or Roblox or whatever. At the very least, their documentation is pretty brief.
  • 형식 B재단 문서 C17-G4N 사본이다. SCP-TLDR-J가 형식 B로 변장(?)할 때, 파괴불가능한 그림자 괴물 같은 게 어딘가에 나타나고 우린 MTF 구미호나 로블록스나 아무튼 뭔가를 가지고 격리해야 한다. 적어도 문서 자체는 꽤나 간략하다.
  • Form C is a copy of Moby-Dick, by Herman Melville, that is capable of exhibiting "Southern hospitality." Several personnel[whomst?] have spoken highly of the lodging, food, and good conversation provided by Form C.
  • 형식 C는 허먼 멜빌Herman Melville의 《모비 딕(Moby-Dick)》 사본으로, "남부식 환대"를 보여준다. 여러 인원들이[뉘가?] 형식 C가 제공하는 숙소, 음식과 좋은 대화를 극구 칭찬하였다.
  • Form D is an in-depth description of the various ways in which a non-existent piece of fiction misrepresents military technology and procedure, written in an aggressive and dismissive tone. Form D is capable of writing and printing original fictional stories, typically detailing artificial intelligences that live in gross holes and have fetishes. Or something like that — we've never actually read any of these, as Form D has confirmed that they were deliberately made uninteresting in service of realism.
    • Upon further review, it was found that fiction produced by Form D suddenly acquires literary merit when expressed via a series of pictograms and abstract symbols.
  • 형식 D는 어떻게 존재하지 않는 소설이 다양한 방식으로 군사 기술과 절차를 왜곡하는 가에 대해 상세하게 설명한 글로, 공격적이며 경멸하는 듯한 어조로 서술되어있다. 형식 D는 자작 소설을 쓰고 인쇄할 수 있으며, 보통 역겨운 구멍 안에서 살며 페티시를 가진 인공 지능을 묘사한다. 아니면 뭐 그 비슷한 거라든가 — 한 번도 읽어본 적이 없거든. 형식 D가 일부러 현실적으로 보면 전혀 재미가 없게 썼다고 단언했으니까 말이야.
    • 나중에 검토해보니, 형식 D가 제작하는 소설은 일련의 픽토그램과 추상 기호로 표현한다면 갑자기 문학적 가치를 얻는 것으로 밝혀졌다.
  • Form E is a copy of Under the Dome by Stephen King. Did you know that Form E was once hit by a car? Just something to consider.
  • 형식 E는 스티븐 킹Stephen King의 《언더 더 돔(Under the Dome)》 사본이다. 형식 E가 차에 치인 적이 있는 거 알아? 한 번 생각해볼 법한 일이지.
  • Form F is a copy of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Subjects that come within a few meters of Form F develop a single-minded obsession with achieving specific goals. Subjects uniformly describe their motivation as "Well, it tried to make me an objectivist, but that sounded stupid, so I tried to put my own spin on it. Clever, right? [pause] Well, I think it's funny. [pause] Maybe if I made an Overwatch joke too? Something about staying on the objective? [pause] Yeah, you're right. It's too topical."
  • 형식 F는 아인 랜드Ayn Rand의 《움츠린 아틀라스(Atlas Shrugged)》 사본. 형식 근처 몇 미터 안에 있는 이들은 특정한 목표를 달성하는 데에 혈안이 된다. 그들은 일관되게 자신들의 동기를 다음과 같이 설명한다. "뭐, 날 객관주의자로 만들려고 하던데 말이야, 바보같은 소리여서 내 나름대로 그럴듯한 의견을 내놔보려는 거야. 똑똑하지, 안 그래? [멈춤] 뭐, 재밌다고 생각해. [멈춤] 내가 오버워치 농담도 해볼까? 한 목적에 머무른다던가 뭐 그런 내용으로 말이야. [멈춤] 그래, 너가 맞아. 너무 평범하지."
  • Form H is a copy of the webcomic Homestuck, by Andrew Hussie. Physical contact with Form H enables subjects to telepathically communicate with any horse in the world. This communication typically consists of variations on "neigh" and "*snorting noise*", which can only be properly interpreted by the subject and causes the subject to become a "horse person".
  • 형식 H는 앤드류 허씨Andrew Hussie의 웹코믹 《홈스턱(Homestuck)》 사본이다. 형식 H와 물리적으로 접촉할 경우 세상의 모든 말과 정신 감응을 통해 대화할 수 있게 된다. 이때 대화는 보통 다양한 "푸르릉" 소리나 "*코를 힝힝 거리는 소리*"로 되어있으며, 이는 유일하게 접촉한 사람만 해석 가능하고 접촉한 사람은 "말 사람"이 된다.
  • Form I is a copy of the Terms and Conditions for Apple Media Services (including iTunes, etc.). Form I is incapable of fitting into any USB socket, regardless of its orientation.
  • 형식 I는 애플 미디어 서비스(아이튠즈와 기타 서비스 포함) 이용 약관 사본이다. 형식 I는 그 어떤 USB 소켓과도 맞지 않으며, 소켓의 방향과는 관계가 없다.
  • Form J is a copy of Ulysses by James Joyce. Subjects who read any content from Form J develop a sexual fetish for flatulence that mirrors Joyce's own. Seriously, look it up if you think this is fake. Or don't — it's gross.
  • 형식 J는 제임스 조이스James Joyce의 《율리시스(Ulysses)》 사본이다. 형식 J의 내용을 조금이라도 읽은 이는 조이스가 겪은 것과 같은 배 부글거림에 대한 성적 페티쉬가 생긴다. 진짜로, 가짜 같으면 한 번 찾아봐. 안 찾아봐도 돼 — 역겨우니까.
  • Form K is a comprehensive compilation of the manga Jojo's Bizarre Adventure by Hirohiko Araki. Form K is accompanied by the appearance of an autonomous, muscular humanoid construct composed entirely of sheets of paper. This construct identifies itself as "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, as in the song name. [pause] Well, I don't know, someone has probably named something else after that, so I decided to clarify. Not like it matters." It is theoretically capable, by way of a rapid series of punches, of imparting the property of being "too long" on any document; however, in most cases, this simply results in the destruction of the affected document.
  • Form L is, currently, a copy of the primary documentation for QAZ의 번역 작업장 2. The exact nature of Form L varies at irregular intervals, but all iterations have thus far been Foundation documentation. Form L is sapient and telepathic, and will make frequent demands to be let outdoors. When placed outdoors, it will instead demand to be placed indoors.
  • Form M is a copy of Les Misérables by Victor Hugo. Form M is a millennial. *rolls eyes*
  • 형식 M은 빅토르 위고Victor Hugo의 《레 미제라블(Les Misérables)》 사본이다. 형식 M은 신세대 책이다. *눈을 굴림*
  • Form O is a copy of House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski. Form O renders readers mysteriously incapable of giving a straight answer to the question "I need help writing an SCP, could y'all name some things that you considered reading, but decided not to because they were too long?".
  • Form P is a copy of Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. When read, Form P will generate a series of probabilistic anomalies that result in the delivery of a peanut butter sandwich to SCP-073.
  • Form Q is a copy of Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes. When provided with internet access, Form Q will frequent online chatrooms to discuss memes, communism, and LGBT issues. For this crime, it deserves to be executed by the Global Occult Coalition.
  • Form R has only been observed on one occasion, in which SCP-TLDR-J was approached by Junior Researcher Riseborough, who had stated that she intended to read SCP-TLDR-J regardless of length. Form R is a complete transcript of the song I Know A Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves. Casualties were extensive.
  • Form T is a copy of War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. Form T produces trivially infohazardous objects at a rate of once per week, many of which appear to contain references to people who scream at video games on camera or something. The task of analyzing and cataloging these manifestations has been delegated to a team of Junior Researchers at Site-19.
  • Form U is a copy of The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien. When read, Form U will generate a series of probabilistic anomalies that result in a peanut butter sandwich gaining sapience and self-replication abilities, eventually overrunning Site-17. SCP-073 will be enlisted to neutralize the anomaly by feeding it to Dr. Kain Pathos Krow, who will smack his lips for thirty minutes thereafter.
  • Form V is a copy of this document. SCP-TLDR-J will morphify (?) into Form V whenever this document is read, and subsequently breach containment, transmorphormogrifying (??? I'll look up the right word and edit it in later) into this document. Then, if a subject who has thought about Under the Dome by Stephen King within the past two hours reads it, SCP-TLDR-J will develop a pronounced "bitter almond" scent.

Hey, quick question. I read this whole document through, and when I got to the end, SCP-TLDR-J killed me with cyanide gas. Why was this possibility not accounted for when drafting the documentation?- Site Director Sloane
잠깐만, 짧은 질문 하나 하죠. 이 문서를 끝까지 읽었는데, 다 읽고 나니까 SCP-TLDR-J가 청산가리 가스로 절 죽였습니다. 왜 문서 초안을 짤 때 이럴 가능성은 쓰지 않은 거죠?- 기지 이사관 슬론Sloane

We honestly didn't expect anybody to read it.- Dr. Cage
솔직히 누가 읽을 줄은 몰랐습니다.- 케이지 박사Dr. Cage

Understandable. Make sure Vang puts a disclaimer about that in his final draft of the containment procedures.- Site Director Sloane
이해합니다. 뱅이 격리 절차 최종 초안에다가 이에 대해 쓰게 하세요.- 기지 이사관 슬론

Can do. By the way, sorry about the whole "killed me with cyanide gas" thing. Are you alright?- Dr. Cage
그러겠습니다. 그건 그렇고, 그 "청산가리 가스로 살해"당한 일은 죄송합니다. 괜찮으신가요?- 케이지 박사

I've been better.- Site Director Sloane
괜찮아졌어요.- 기지 이사관 슬론